Car Crusade Part 2: Nightmares

When we last left off, all seemed right in the car buying world. It was a Saturday, the car dealership found my exact specs at a dealership in another state. I had agreed a deal on that car. I had put money down on that car. They would let me know when the car arrived. And then I was off to celebrate at a local beer festival. What a great day!

Sunday came around, and despite a hangover, my enthusiasm for my new whip (as they say in the ghetto where I live) had not waned. Unfortunately the car dealership was not open on Sunday, so there was no news. Spirits were still high. Such things cannot last.

Monday came in its usual fashion. With all the grace and joy of a retarded sumo wrestler who had just missed lunch. There is no word on the car.

Tuesday waltzes through the door like an angry queer who just lost his rainbow flag. Sales Guy calls me around lunch and I can tell by his tone things are going to get very bad, very soon. He says to me, "I've got bad news. The dealership in Georgia sold your car on Saturday. I'm sorry. I don't have any other blue ones. I do have several in black though." My immediate reaction...silence....rising to anger...rising to rage....rising to FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING FUCKERS WHO FUCK THEIR FUCKING FUCKER FUCKHEADED MOTHERS!!!!

Choking on such rage I couldn't properly form a response so I mumbled out a "Must think, call back later." Now, if he had told me on Saturday he couldn't get me the exact one I wanted, I probably would have taken a black one. However, at this point I had been fucked with. I don't like to be fucked with. Especially when I've paid you not to fuck with me. So I call Sales Guy back after calming down a bit and thinking things out. He doesn't answer. I get angry again. I leave a polite message telling Sales Guy to shove that black car up his ass and find me a blue one or give me money back.

Wednesday passed, Thursday passes. Friday comes and goes with NO WORD. I formulate my plan. I involve my dad, The Destroyer (more on him in Part 3). If I don't hear anything by Monday, we lay waste to everything in sight.

Typical really. Every time I get excited or happy about something it turns to shit. I could list 38 other examples but I don't feel like shaming myself today. Everything always has to suck. If I wasn't miserable, I'd be dead.

Car Crusade Part 1: Dreams

My current car is a 10 year old Toyota 4Runner with 137,000 miles on it. To say it's a little used would be like saying I'm a little addicted to internet porn. Recently I decided to buy a new car. I'm going to tell you the 5 part saga of what turned out to be an epic quest. A battle between good and evil. Between right and wrong. Between two epic forces of laziness. Between me and a Car Dealership.

A few weeks ago, in a town not too far away I took a Saturday trip to a car dealership. I've been looking for a car for awhile so I knew exactly what I wanted. A Nissan 350z. The only question was the color.

Well, like all the other car dealerships I had been too, they didn't have many cars on the lot (that weren't SUVs. Shockingly SUV sales aren't too strong these days). I was approached by seemingly affable Sales Guy (aren't they all) about 2 minutes after I got on the lot. After the initial chit-chat and introductions I cut right to the chase and laid out what I wanted. Sales Guy knew I was not to be toyed around with. Sales Guy said to me, "If I can find you the car you want, will you buy today?" I said, "I'm ready to buy today." Sales Guy ran some fancy inventory searches, using this strange device called a Computer, on other Nissan dealerships in this area of the country. He found one that matched my specifications! Touring package, San Marino Blue, grey and black leather interior. In Georgia! That's not too far away. They "contacted the dealership to make sure the car was available" and it was, so we moved forward.



Now it was time to talk numbers. He gave me the list price, I told him my price and said that was it, I wasn't negiotiating. He said back, "If I can get this price, do we have a deal?" He's a very quizzical Sales Guy. I said yes and shook his hand. Lo and behold, they matched the price and after some discussion and arm wrestling, we agreed on the financing. I put some money down to secure transport and to lock me into the deal so I wouldn't get buyers remorse and try to back out of the deal.

All seemed great. In a few days I would have a brand new car. I didn't realize at the time I had made a deal with the devil.