Yeah, whatever did happen to my personal robot?

The idea for this post has been shamelessly stolen from the BBC.  I'm sure Tomorrow's World was predicting we'd all have our own personal house robot slaves by now.

Personally I can't imagine a robot like this being developed for the domestic market. It'd just cost way too much money for something that's probably cheaper to employ a human to do anyway. If we do ever get useful human robots I can't see it coming out of anything other than military research or from the development of a Japanese sex robot. 

A friend of mine (yes, I know you won't believe it's not me) wants a Cameron (from Sarah Connor Chronicles). I'm not sure for which purpose he wants it. Probably to do the hoovering.

I should probably get a robot to do my blog posting for me.

Great Moments in Laziness #4

Today's great moment in laziness is once again one of those life changing pieces of technology that so drastically change the fabric of our lives that it's nearly impossible to remember what life was like before its introduction. I give to you.....THE MOBILE/CELLULAR TELEPHONE!!!!

Here's the convoluted history of the cell phone. What an amazing history, eh? Full of interesting stuff and dates and acronyms and people's names and sex and violence. Ok, you got me. I didn't read that shit but that's not important. The real question is: How did this effect laziness? Simply and profoundly. With the power of mobile communications people no longer had to be super organized when leaving the house. Grab you keys, possibly put some pants on, and leave the house. You can text and call people on the way. No need for prearranged meeting coordinates and times. No need for tactical precision that rivals the highest trained military units in the world. Planning social events has now become the domain of uptight assholes. Besides, your cell phone has an alarm clock, a calendar, e-mail, the internet, and (in the case of mine) a single shot pistol so you still be an anal retentive jerkwad on the go! How the hell did people go outside before the cell phone?

Anal retentive actions like organization and planning are the bane of the lazy. Such things are only done under the pretense of directly aiding future laziness. Technology leads the way in this area.

Sure it's probably giving us all brain cancer, but doesn't a little less stress now make up for a little brain cancer later? That was a rhetorical question. Of course it does.

Great Moments in Laziness #3

Today's great moment in laziness will not apply to country bumpkins, hillbillies, or rednecks. No, this great moment applies only to those sophisticated city folks and big time travellers who have actually been in a city that has tall buildings. I think even the retards of the Internet might know where I'm going with this one.....
That's right, I give you THE MIGHTY ELEVATOR! Or lift as it's known to some twats.

Whether it's an Otis or a Schindler, the elevator is a magical device that has saved millions of people, millions of units of laziness (we should probably invent a unit of measure for laziness. Like the anti-erg or something.). Who invented them? How do they work? I don't care. You can Google it if you care that much. All I know is modern life would be impossible without the elevator. People would be fighting to the death for the rooms on the first floor of a hotel. Skyscrapers would be constrained to the world of fantasy and imagination. And fat people would be even sweatier than they are now.

Fuck some stairs. Elevators for ever! Although I have been in an elevator that fell 3 floors before the emergency brakes kicked in. Maybe they're not so awesome, what with the chances of getting stuck and/or death. Nah, they're awesome. Way better than trudging up 80 gajillion stairs to the top of some tower or office building. We'd have mass hysteria without the elevator. I, for one, wouldn't have made it up to my office on the second floor this morning.

Special shout out to handicapped people and disability laws. Thanks to them, every building in America over two stories has to have an elevator, or they're gonna have a big ass lawsuit. Except for apartment buildings. For some reason they almost never have elevators. Especially when you're helping that hot chick move into her third floor apartment. And you're hoping she'll finally realize just how awesome you are as you lug a 200 lbs couch up 90 individual stairs with a bad back and your leg muscles burn like the fires of hell. But no. All she does is say thanks and tosses a "Talk to you later!" your way as she closes the door in your face.

As Seinfeld would say, "What is the deal with that?"

DVD Boxed Sets

My copy of the Battlestar Galactica Season 3 DVD boxed set just arrived. WOO! Having the whole series on DVD is great. You can watch episodes whenever you want, you don't have to wait a week to find out what happens next. You can spend even spend an entire day in bed, incredibly hungover, watching a particularly crap season of 24 when your girlfriend is away for the weekend if you want.

Obviously this is nothing new, but I read something recently that said that some networks in the US were even starting to put shows on twice a week as people were getting so used to having a series on DVD and being able to watch episodes whenever they want.

That said, the DVD boxed set is nearly dead. Soon we'll pick up any episode of a show online or download it through our digital TV boxes at the touch of a button and watch them whenever we want. There are plenty of services doing this kind of thing at the moment, some better than others, and it won't be long until it hits the mainstream.

I hope it'll mean we get more quality TV as if we can get any show at any time, we'd be able to always pick something good, and never watch the crap but people really love the crap. Never mind.

Great Moments in Laziness

I'm not going to research anything about this great moment, but it happened and we've all benefitted from it. Probably in the very recent past. Look! I just used it right there!

What the hell am I talking about? What is this great invention? It's another of those little things that you don't realize how great it is until it's not there. You know it, you love it. No I'm not talking about internet porn (yet). I'm talking about the mighty Undo feature/button.

Can I say anything funny about the Undo button? Not really. I just wish I had one in real life. Christ I could have saved myself a lot of embarassment.

Great Moments in Laziness

Queue up the fanfare everyone, we've got a new feature! And if you don't know what fanfare is, it's that heroic sounding trumpet powered musical blast that normally accompanies a sports highlight show, or the music I play when I sucessfully tie my shoes.

You know how it goes: First the music, "BAH DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAH". And then the highlight. "On this day in sports history, Babe Ruth hit 3 home runs while eating 2 hot dogs, drinking a bottle of whisky, chopping down a tree with his bare hands, eating a bear, and banging 3 different women. One of whom may have been a bear." Previous sentence translated for the European Crowd: "On this day in sports history, George Best scored a hat trick while smoking 14 fags, drunk off his arse while racing his Jag to the local massage parlour. And we hopefully don't mean Ray".

Us unathletic types will never know such glories. Instead we bask in the warm glow of a different kind of glory. That of urine when we're too drunk and lazy to make it to the bathroom in the middle of night. Also, we bask in the comfortable arms of Aergia. She's so easy. And that's the way we like it.

I'm sure I had a point around here somewhere, ah yes, there it is. So, for all the lazy twats out there, I hereby present the first in a sure to be long series of post, (as some of our smarter readers may have guess by the title) ....GREAT MOMENTS IN LAZINESS!!!!!!!

Today's great moment: I give you *BAH DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAH*: The invention of the Television Remote Control!!!!! Exclamation points for everyone!!! The first television remote appeared in 1950. It was called the Lazy Bone. Huh huh, I said bone. What an awesome name though. The Lazy Bone (ha! Bone!) had a cable that connected to the TV. It was able to change the channel AND turn the TV on or off. You were fucked on the volume though. The Lone Ranger was coming through all up in your ear hole. Unfortunately, due to the tripping hazard of the massive cable, the device never really caught on. Thank Aeigia that technology continued its relentless march forward towards the mighty wireless remote. But the Lazy Bone(r) came first. And laid the groundwork for the channel surfing and ass grooves we all enjoy today. Here's to you! You've made me at least 15 pounds fatter and my insurance company is incredibly happy about that.

I thought about carrying on with the history of the remote, but if I did that I'd lose my journalistic integrity of laziness. Go read something you illiterate monkey humper.