Thursday, May 31, 2007

Ordering at Subway

Let me set the scene. I'm going out for the evening and I don't have much time to get dinner once I get home so I decide to stop in Subway and get something. It's in the station, I have to walk past it anyway and it's absolutely the lowest effort solution available. I've got no time to consider trying something new, so I'll play it safe and get something I know and love. I want a Chipotle Steak and Cheese 12 inch on brown with all the salad stuff except onions, and I want to go up to the counter and order exactly that. Can I do that? No.

I will normally get as far as: "Can I have a Southwest Steak and Cheese 12 inch on brown..." before I'm stopped "12 inch?" "Yes.." "and what bread would you like?" "... brown ...". Normally at this point they go off and stick the little cardboard cartons of steak in the microwave, so you'd think that means they know what I've ordered. The next question blows this idea out of the water though. "Would you like cheese?" Would I like cheese? Would I like cheese on my Steak and Cheese sub? Hmm. Let me think. You know what? I think that it may actually enhance my Steak and Cheese sub to have some cheese on it! What a wonderful suggestion! Thank you, yes, please, I'd love some cheese.

I didn't actually realise how much these preliminary things were annoying me up until this point, because we now come to the bit that I started this post to talk about. The salad. What salady things do I want? Everything except onions. Everything because I'm a greedy bastard, no onions because I'm going out and I don't want to stink. If I wasn't going out I'd have the onions too. Sometimes it's all too much hassle and I just have the damn onions.

For those of you not familiar with Subway there are normally 8 'salad' items. Lettuce, Cucumber, Tomato, Green Pepper, Jalapenos, Olives, Pickles and Onions. Now comes the tricky part. Depending on which Subway you are in or who is serving you these things may or may not be all categorised as salad, you could be asked about all salad and then the pickles, olives etc. What I want is everything except onions remember? So it normally goes like this "Any salad?" "Yes, can I have everything except onions please." *servers hand reaches out for the onions* "No, everything else, no onions." "No onions?" I admit sometimes the server is not speaking English as their first language which doesn't help. The absolute worst case scenario has ended up with the server hovering their hand over each item for me to either nod or shake my head to.

There must be a better, lazier way to get what I want. I remembered recently that a friend of mine used to work in Burger King, she said that when she went to Burger King as a customer she used to order stuff in the order that the server had to enter the order into the computer to speed things up. So at this point I am starting to think that the lazy option might actually be not to express my subway order in as few words as possible but to start ordering in the way the server is expecting. This is the way I am going to order in future:

"Can I help you sir?"
"Yes, can I have a steak 12 inch on brown please?"
"Would you like cheese?" "Yes please."
"Any salad?" "Lettuce, Tomato, Green Pepper and Cucumber please"
"Pickles, olives, jalapenos?" "Can I have, pickles, olives and jalapenos please."
"Any sauce?" "Southwest Sauce"

And so it begins

I hereby christen this blog. And what better way to do that than to proclaim that I'm too lazy to think up something intetesting to post.