Thursday, May 31, 2007

Ordering at Subway

Let me set the scene. I'm going out for the evening and I don't have much time to get dinner once I get home so I decide to stop in Subway and get something. It's in the station, I have to walk past it anyway and it's absolutely the lowest effort solution available. I've got no time to consider trying something new, so I'll play it safe and get something I know and love. I want a Chipotle Steak and Cheese 12 inch on brown with all the salad stuff except onions, and I want to go up to the counter and order exactly that. Can I do that? No.

I will normally get as far as: "Can I have a Southwest Steak and Cheese 12 inch on brown..." before I'm stopped "12 inch?" "Yes.." "and what bread would you like?" "... brown ...". Normally at this point they go off and stick the little cardboard cartons of steak in the microwave, so you'd think that means they know what I've ordered. The next question blows this idea out of the water though. "Would you like cheese?" Would I like cheese? Would I like cheese on my Steak and Cheese sub? Hmm. Let me think. You know what? I think that it may actually enhance my Steak and Cheese sub to have some cheese on it! What a wonderful suggestion! Thank you, yes, please, I'd love some cheese.

I didn't actually realise how much these preliminary things were annoying me up until this point, because we now come to the bit that I started this post to talk about. The salad. What salady things do I want? Everything except onions. Everything because I'm a greedy bastard, no onions because I'm going out and I don't want to stink. If I wasn't going out I'd have the onions too. Sometimes it's all too much hassle and I just have the damn onions.

For those of you not familiar with Subway there are normally 8 'salad' items. Lettuce, Cucumber, Tomato, Green Pepper, Jalapenos, Olives, Pickles and Onions. Now comes the tricky part. Depending on which Subway you are in or who is serving you these things may or may not be all categorised as salad, you could be asked about all salad and then the pickles, olives etc. What I want is everything except onions remember? So it normally goes like this "Any salad?" "Yes, can I have everything except onions please." *servers hand reaches out for the onions* "No, everything else, no onions." "No onions?" I admit sometimes the server is not speaking English as their first language which doesn't help. The absolute worst case scenario has ended up with the server hovering their hand over each item for me to either nod or shake my head to.

There must be a better, lazier way to get what I want. I remembered recently that a friend of mine used to work in Burger King, she said that when she went to Burger King as a customer she used to order stuff in the order that the server had to enter the order into the computer to speed things up. So at this point I am starting to think that the lazy option might actually be not to express my subway order in as few words as possible but to start ordering in the way the server is expecting. This is the way I am going to order in future:


"Can I help you sir?"
"Yes, can I have a steak 12 inch on brown please?"
"Would you like cheese?" "Yes please."
"Any salad?" "Lettuce, Tomato, Green Pepper and Cucumber please"
"Pickles, olives, jalapenos?" "Can I have, pickles, olives and jalapenos please."
"Any sauce?" "Southwest Sauce"

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great post! Long live the sandiwch.

Mike said...

I was thinking we should maybe collate a whole series on fast food places and the most efficient way to order.

Anonymous said...

Good idea. I was just thinking the other day the best way to order at Bojangle's. I have determined there are 2 different methods. 1 for the driver through and one for inside the restaurant.

Mike said...

Get that in a post, when you can be bothered.

Anonymous said...

My first subway sandwich was also my first drive through order in the US. Worst of both worlds. I thought I could just drive by, order a tuna sandwich and be on my way. But the voice (with a thick mexican accent that made it impossible to understand) kept pestering me with questions I didn't understand. I never said 'What?' as often as that time.
-Can i take your order?
-yes, i'd like a tuna sandwich
-what size do you like?
-Eh, I don't know, what sizes are there?
-6 inch and 12 inch
-uhm, 6 inch? (no idea how long that is)
-What bread?
-What?
-What bread?
-I don't know, what sort do you have?
-wheat bread, italian bread, honey oat bread, (goes on for a minute summing up more and more bread, making me forget all the options alltogether)
-Ehm, I take, eh, the first one
-What kind of salad do you want?
-What?
-What kind of salad do you want?
-What?
-What kind of salad do you want?
-What kind of salds do you have?
etc. etc.

The line of cars behind me was getting longer and longer. And when I finally finished ordering, I had to order another one for my wife.

So DV's tip is right. Only use the drive through when you're sure what to order. No idea what a quarter of white is though.

DV said...

It's a common rookie mistake. Drive thru is for professionals only. And I don't think I'd ever hit a drive thru at a sandwich making place like subway or Jersey Mike's. Just too much going on.

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