Friday, February 29, 2008

Banking Laziness

I've decided to coin a new term, as I frequently do. See, check out the title....Banked Laziness. It means what it sounds like it means. You put a little effort out now and you are rewarded with laziness plus interest. Just like a bank! Unless you lost all your money with a sub prime loan or something. In that case, you're an idiot, and not even Lazy View can help you. We've tried to explain this several times in the past and now I've thought of something to log and categorize this phenomenon. I'm awesome! Awesome like a bidet! Cool and refreshing in a hot and smelly darkness!

Today's example: Painting. Painting is not by it's nature a lazy activity. It takes a lot of prep work up front and a lot of physical work doing the actual painting. Skip taping, and it'll take you twice as long to edge with a brush. Don't go to the store and buy pan liners, spend 20 minutes cleaning the paint pan.

I was dumb enough to start painting a room in my house. Now, in true lazy fashion, I started painting 6 days ago and have only finished 2 walls. Which is perfectly acceptable. I did the prep work and taped the moulding, windows, and electrical sockets. Annoying, but not as annoying as edging with a brush. And that's when laziness struck. I had plenty of paint on hand, but only had so much paint in the paint pan. And I was determined not to pour out anymore paint as the can was closed and I was going to stop painting as soon as I ran out of my current supply. If I poured out too much paint, I'd have to pour it back in the paint can and there's no way I'm doing that without making a mess. However, I also very much wanted to finish the wall. So I decided to stretch the paint on hand to cover the entire wall. And that wall now looks like shit. So shitty that I will have to put a second coat of paint on. Had I put some extra effort in and poured out some more paint, I would have been able to bank some laziness for this weekend. Now I have to do more work.

You see, sometimes you have to be a little less lazy now to experience true lazy nirvana. What should I call that? Lazvana? Nirvazy? Lavana? Ahhh, I don't give a fuck. I've already thought of one new term for today. Contributions to the English language will have to wait for another day.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Monetary Benefits of Being Lazy

We've talked in the past about the ultimate way to order a meal at a restaurant. The benefits are various and plentiful. There's another benefit we forgot to mention (or maybe we did. You go back and read the old post and tell me. I'm not gonna do it). A very important one at that. There's a monetary benefit too!

I bring this up because just yesterday I achieved Regular status at yet another eatery. This time at Jersey Mike's. I know I achieved the status because I got my first monetary kickback from them.

See, when you become a regular at an establishment, exact change becomes a thing of the past. If the meal costs $7.53, you give them 8$ and get 50 cents back. $8.56, give them $9 get 55 cents back.

Now I know what you're thinking, what happens if the price is $7.49? Do they only give you 50 cents back? Don't be retarded. In this scenario you DO get 51 cents back. A restaurant is never going to short a customer because they know you're just the kind of petty asshole to get angry over a lost penny. the general rule is, regulars don't get more than 1 or 2 pennies back as change. We're too awesome for pocketfuls of pennies. It's sort of an unspoken thanks for being a consistent customer.

I save 3 cents everytime I go to Chilis. And now I save 1 cent everytime I go to Jersey Mike's. A bit Jewish, yes. And that may not seem like a lot, but as I calculate that out ....over 200 pennies saved per year. That's 2 whole dollars. A couple extra dances at a strip club right there. Or half a gallon of gas.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ooooh! Great licence Universal!

The film studio Universal have licensed 4 games from Hasbro to make into movies. They include Monopoly and Battleships.

Monopoly. And. Battleships.

They have licensed them to make them into movies..

Seriously. This isn't a joke. They've paid Hasbro money for the licences.

Some of you probably remember the 80s movie Clue, which was based on Cluedo. Now, the thing about Cluedo was that the game revolves around a murder mystery and murder mysteries are a well understood genre of film. And it was funny. And quite clever. I liked it.

How on earth do you make a movie out of Monopoly? You have a little dog and an iron running around a city buying streets and building hotels? Hours of tedium after one player gets a bit ahead of everyone else and very, very slowly drains money and streets from their rival. They'll have stupid characters named stuff like Mr Iron won't they. Or they'll have a guy in a top hat, and a guy with a sports car and a woman who likes ironing. Maybe they'll employ Jeremy Irons. Or Snoop Dogg.


Will the movie cause families to destroy each other like the real game?

And Battleships? Ok so war movies, and sea war movies are a well known genre but what can the game licence bring to the film? I can't think of anything. The only good sea based war movies were made well over 30 years ago when the WWII footage they cut in with the real footage didn't look old and out of place. Look at Pearl Harbour, millions spent on shit CGI and a rubbish movie.

Hasbro must be laughing all the way to the bank.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

State of the Robot

In case you didn't notice, I love robots. I love the very concept of robots. I love vacuuming robots. I love car building robots. I even love the stupid robot that came with the original nintendo. Gyroscope or something like that. How the fuck am I supposed to remember? That was 20 years and a whole lot of beer ago. Anyway, how could you not love robots? Servents who don't care about being servants and will do whatever they're programmed to do, sounds like heaven and/or the porno I watched last night.

According to this article I'll have the chance to make that love physical soon, or about 400 years. Depending on who you believe. Clearly, anyone who knows anything about mankind (as I do as one of the base members of the group) already knew that Sexbots were always the logical conclusion to this research path. Let's try and work on that 400 timeframe though, robot nerds. You dorks need Sexbots more than the rest of society and I don't think you want to wait 400 years to get some.

Also of note, this article isn't just about banging robots, that's just the part that got my attention. It also gives quick rundown on the state of robotics in the world like cooking robots, nipple-ous robots, and good old robot dogs. Hmmm, nipples, cooking, and bitches...sounds like women are about to be replaced.

ARGH! Stupid government putting our curries in danger!

According to the BBC Home Office restrictions on "unskilled" workers from outside the EU is causing severe staff shortages in UK curry restaurants. They are putting our national dish at risk!

How on earth can anyone who's capable of creating a huge amount of curry every night be considered an unskilled worker? I'd like to see the Home Office minister do it. And as for the idea of getting Eastern Europeans from new EU countries to work in the industry... what are they idiots? It's fine for front of house, but not for cooking. Hasn't anyone making these decisions had a curry in Eastern Europe? It's the most disappointing thing ever, well, possibly the most disappointing thing other than the England Football team at a World Cup.

It's a tragedy.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Want to live a long time?

Great news for us lazy people! If we want a long life, we just have to start exercising in our 70s! See this article for details.

Of course, that's assuming the beer and fast food don't kill us long before we hit 70...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I love you supermarket!

This is one of those old BBC stories that sometimes bubbles to the top of the "Most Read" list, but for once it's a story I hadn't seen the first time around.

Sometimes it does pay to make a bit of an effort with things. Like, for instance, if you were going to have a tattoo, which is a fairly permanent body decoration, it's probably a good idea to check exactly what you are going to get.

I would say that it's generally a bad idea for a teenager to get a tattoo of their boy/girlfriend's name. Most teenage relationships don't last long. If you are going to get it done, maybe in a nice Chinese format, then it could be worth spending some time getting it properly translated. So you don't end up having Supermarket tattooed on your stomach.

On the plus side, I think this girl is having a Buy One Get One Free sale this week, she's got wide aisles, disabled access, her eggs are all free range and you won't believe how cheap her clothes are. Designer names at supermarket places. Every little helps.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Have Your Say

My girlfriend is regularly infuriated by the comments in the BBC News Have Your Say segment. I tend to avoid it when possible, to avoid being annnoyed, but I've been spending a lot of time over the last couple of days reading this excellent blog, "If you like it so much why don't you go live there" which is frankly hilarious. One of the funniest things I've read on the internet for a long time.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Flash Element TD 2

Right, so I haven't been blogging, because I've been playing games again. The latest offering from the Casual Collective is Flash Element TD 2. We've mentioned these boys a couple of times here and here, but they keep coming up with the goods.

My current record is over 195,000 on the first map. To put that in context, I'm in the top 100 scores for a game that's had over 1.5 million plays. Beat me if you can.