Great Moments in Laziness

Queue up the fanfare everyone, we've got a new feature! And if you don't know what fanfare is, it's that heroic sounding trumpet powered musical blast that normally accompanies a sports highlight show, or the music I play when I sucessfully tie my shoes.

You know how it goes: First the music, "BAH DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAH". And then the highlight. "On this day in sports history, Babe Ruth hit 3 home runs while eating 2 hot dogs, drinking a bottle of whisky, chopping down a tree with his bare hands, eating a bear, and banging 3 different women. One of whom may have been a bear." Previous sentence translated for the European Crowd: "On this day in sports history, George Best scored a hat trick while smoking 14 fags, drunk off his arse while racing his Jag to the local massage parlour. And we hopefully don't mean Ray".

Us unathletic types will never know such glories. Instead we bask in the warm glow of a different kind of glory. That of urine when we're too drunk and lazy to make it to the bathroom in the middle of night. Also, we bask in the comfortable arms of Aergia. She's so easy. And that's the way we like it.

I'm sure I had a point around here somewhere, ah yes, there it is. So, for all the lazy twats out there, I hereby present the first in a sure to be long series of post, (as some of our smarter readers may have guess by the title) ....GREAT MOMENTS IN LAZINESS!!!!!!!

Today's great moment: I give you *BAH DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAH*: The invention of the Television Remote Control!!!!! Exclamation points for everyone!!! The first television remote appeared in 1950. It was called the Lazy Bone. Huh huh, I said bone. What an awesome name though. The Lazy Bone (ha! Bone!) had a cable that connected to the TV. It was able to change the channel AND turn the TV on or off. You were fucked on the volume though. The Lone Ranger was coming through all up in your ear hole. Unfortunately, due to the tripping hazard of the massive cable, the device never really caught on. Thank Aeigia that technology continued its relentless march forward towards the mighty wireless remote. But the Lazy Bone(r) came first. And laid the groundwork for the channel surfing and ass grooves we all enjoy today. Here's to you! You've made me at least 15 pounds fatter and my insurance company is incredibly happy about that.

I thought about carrying on with the history of the remote, but if I did that I'd lose my journalistic integrity of laziness. Go read something you illiterate monkey humper.