Friday, August 31, 2007

Lazy your way to Riches

I've reached the point in my life where I pretty much know I'm never going to be rich by working hard. I'm far too lazy and unskilled for that. I'm left with very few options to getting rich. Getting rich is a must because there's no way in hell I'm working for another 20 or 30 or 40 years. I'll kill myself long before then (if someone else doesn't do it first).

So last week the Powerball lottery was up to a ludicrous $315 million dollars. I played for the first time in my life. "How could degenerate loser like you be a first timer?" you ask. I have two rules about gambling. One, I will only play the lottery when it gets up to ridiculous amounts of money. I'm not wasting my one win on $200,000 dollars. I'd blow through that faster than Tony Montana through a pile of Columbian marching powder. I need enough money so I can finally get gold toilets. And rule two, I try to only gamble with my life.

Anyway, I bought 10 tickets for 10 bucks. Seemed like a fair amount without going overboard. Obviously I didn't win, because if I did I'd still be face down in the penthouse of a hotel in Miami Beach surrounded by hookers, cristal bottles, and at least 2 barnyard animals. Hell, I only got 1 number right. In truth I never expected to win because I am the epitome of loser. I never win anything. The one contest I did win was for a free copy of a PC game called Daikatana. For those of you who don't remember that, google it and get a laugh. Even when I win I lose. But I was hoping to win that lottery dammit. I need to win it. It's my only hope.

Hmmm, this sounds suspiciously like the beginnings of a gambling problem.

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