The real downside to traveling

Traveling is a difficult and nasty thing. Especially for lazy people. There's nothing lazy about traveling. Unless you're talking about traveling in basketball. Then that's pretty lazy, but in my mind, much preferable to dribbling.

But the travel itself is not the worst part. Beyond the the jet lag, the 15 hour flights, the screaming kids, the sick Asians with bird flu coughing up lungs, and the old lady punching the touch the screen monitor in the back of my seat lies a far greater terror. The dark, evil specter of WORK! The worst of all the four letter words. It's hard enough dragging your ass out of bed on that first day back. The real horror is when you get to work and fire up the ol' e-mail program. Christ almighty I was receiving e-mail for 30 minutes this morning!

Now, I was checking my e-mail on my trip in between hits of opium and I still had a couple hundred new ones to catch up on. And I'm a worthless peon. I can only imagine what it must be like for someone important. There must be trillions of e-mails waiting for them. Luckily for me I suck at working so I'll never be important, but just the thought sends such a chill down my spine that my nuts are forced to beat a hasty retreat into my considerable abdominal cavity.

What's the lesson here? Don't travel. Or, if you do travel, don't come back. Or if you do come back, start a new job. The old one will have too much work waiting for you. Too much work is like kryptonite to a lazy person. Like crack to a crack whore. Like whores to a guy who has a serious weakness for whores. You get what I'm saying.