Car Crusade Part 2: Nightmares

When we last left off, all seemed right in the car buying world. It was a Saturday, the car dealership found my exact specs at a dealership in another state. I had agreed a deal on that car. I had put money down on that car. They would let me know when the car arrived. And then I was off to celebrate at a local beer festival. What a great day!

Sunday came around, and despite a hangover, my enthusiasm for my new whip (as they say in the ghetto where I live) had not waned. Unfortunately the car dealership was not open on Sunday, so there was no news. Spirits were still high. Such things cannot last.

Monday came in its usual fashion. With all the grace and joy of a retarded sumo wrestler who had just missed lunch. There is no word on the car.

Tuesday waltzes through the door like an angry queer who just lost his rainbow flag. Sales Guy calls me around lunch and I can tell by his tone things are going to get very bad, very soon. He says to me, "I've got bad news. The dealership in Georgia sold your car on Saturday. I'm sorry. I don't have any other blue ones. I do have several in black though." My immediate reaction...silence....rising to anger...rising to rage....rising to FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING FUCKERS WHO FUCK THEIR FUCKING FUCKER FUCKHEADED MOTHERS!!!!

Choking on such rage I couldn't properly form a response so I mumbled out a "Must think, call back later." Now, if he had told me on Saturday he couldn't get me the exact one I wanted, I probably would have taken a black one. However, at this point I had been fucked with. I don't like to be fucked with. Especially when I've paid you not to fuck with me. So I call Sales Guy back after calming down a bit and thinking things out. He doesn't answer. I get angry again. I leave a polite message telling Sales Guy to shove that black car up his ass and find me a blue one or give me money back.

Wednesday passed, Thursday passes. Friday comes and goes with NO WORD. I formulate my plan. I involve my dad, The Destroyer (more on him in Part 3). If I don't hear anything by Monday, we lay waste to everything in sight.

Typical really. Every time I get excited or happy about something it turns to shit. I could list 38 other examples but I don't feel like shaming myself today. Everything always has to suck. If I wasn't miserable, I'd be dead.