I know all there is to know about the driving game

Here's a rambling thought that came to me at lunch. It's about one of the games that I play when driving. As a matter of fact, I think most drivers play this game. Those poopheads out there that ride trains instead of driving, well, you can just fuck off and not read this.

When I pull up to stop light on a multilane road I always try and figure out which lane is going to go faster. Take a quick look at which lane has fewer cars, fewer minivans (because people who drive minivans have given up on life and have no desire to go anywhere with any speed), newer cars, faster cars or more sports cars. So I can be in that lane. I don't want to be stuck behind some assclown going 10mph below the speed limit.

I'm trying to think of an equation or something to help quantify this process.

One of the lanes empty? 100x multiplier. Is the driver a woman? -5x multiplier. Driving a minivan? -2x multiplier. Is it a dumptruck? -10x multiplier. Is the dumptruck loaded down? -25x multiplier. Etc, etc, etc. So on and so forth. It's a bit rough around the edges still. There's a lot of possibilities, and I'm very lazy which is why I haven't invented this yet.

Today's real life example: At lunch I was behind a minivan and a conversion van coming up to a traffic light. I was excellently positioned to get in either lane. So...conversion van...new... versus minivan....probably driven by a woman.... I chose the conversion van. OH how wrong I was! Suprise! The minivan was slow, but it was driven by a man (aka Mr Ladyboy)! The conversion van was also slow, but driven by a woman (aka Mrs Van Dyke)! In conclusion, I was hungry so I yelled at them both until the minivan changed lanes and got out of my way.

The End!

As an aside, this is post #200! Way to go LazyView! That's 194 more than I thought we'd make.