Late night snack

Have you ever been drunk before? Have you ever been hungry before? Have you ever been drunk and hungry at the same time and far away from home? I bet you have. I know the sad losers that read this blog are big, fat, sad losers just like me. And if you're like me you've been drunk. And hungry. And far away from home. Probably left there by your "friends" who were hoping to ditch you in the black part of town at 2:30 in the morning.

Well what's a lazy bastard to do in such a situation? You can count on me to tell you!

Oh, I should actually say something now, right? Here's what the lazy person should do. First, make sure your Glock 40 is loaded. Second, get a cab. Third, tell that Nigerian behind the wheel to go to McDonald's late night drive thru (yes. You heard me. McDonald's. Drunk and late at night, Mickey D's is the place to be). Yeah, that's right. Take a cab to the drive thru. It's great. Unless the cabbie tries to order food for himself and make you pay for it. I'm pretty sure you're legally obligated to skip the fare if he does that.

Really, the only reason why I take a cab is A) Because I'm lazy and B) Because late at night they really frown on people walking through the drive thru. Yes I know that from first hand experience, too.

As a related aside, I recently heard that, thanks to McDonald's, China got their first ever drive thru. EVER! In the whole country! And hilariousness has ensued! So I would like to welcome China to the international brotherhood of eating in your car and spilling ketchup on your pants. Welcome, my brothers. Welcome.