Too Fat to Outrun the Long Arm of the Law

And not only that, he's too fat to fit in the courthouse as well. Let's not rush to judgement people. Maybe it's an old timey courthouse from the 1920s that has small doors? After all, in the old days fat babies were left in the cold to die with the rest of the deformed freaks. Fat people really weren't invented until 1965 when fast food and the remote control began the expansion of their respective empires. Then when polyester spandex and disco exploded in the 70s fat people were forced into hiding until looser clothing once again became the norm. These days, in the world of anything goes fashion, fat people can roam (at a leisurely pace) free.

Maybe he need to use the double doors but one of the doors was broken? Look, all I'm saying is I'm not going to pass judgement on this 500 pound fat tub of goo. There's a lot of reason why a man of greater than average mass would have to be arraigned in a parking lot.

Oh who am I kidding? You know me. I'm passing judgement like a mother fucker. If you're too fat to fit in a god damn building we need to you leave in the pasture with the other cows. And why commit a crime if you weigh 500 pounds? I'm pretty sure someone is going to SEE you commit your crime. You're not exactly inconspicuous. Despite that Chris Farley movie, I've never actually seen a fat ninja so you're not sneaking away.

Also, I bet the police totally had to daisy chain the handcuffs so they could cuff his arms behind his back. they only have to do that with really fat people. It's kinda like how fat people on airplanes have to use multiple seat belts to strap in. Hilarious and awkward at the same time. I love it.