Fast Food Intricacies

Here at LazyView, we love fast food. Because it's fast(ish) and we don't have to make it. Unfortunately, sometimes fast food isn't easy as it should be. Most times it's because of the people behind the counter. Other times it's because people don't know how to properly order. Now I have a great bond with those people behind the counter, they're almost certainly lazy as hell. Let's face it, 95% of people don't work at fast food restaurants because of the great career opportunities.

Not that they aren't fine people mind you. No. Quite the opposite. They're just out there looking for some money with the least possible effort. We here at LazyView wholeheartedly support that.

No, I'm here to talk about ordering. As Mikey Mike and the Funky Bunch alluded to in an earlier post, ordering at a fast food place can be tricky. Luckily for you, I'm here to help. After all my years, and my 3 heart attacks, ordering at Bojangle's, I've finally figured out that there are two distinct Fast Food Ordering Methods. One for the drive through, and one for inside the restaurant. Using both of these will allow both parties to maintain maximum laziness, with minimal work, resulting in maximum efficiency.

FFOM 1: Interior Restuarant Method.
Pros: Higher likelihood of a correct order. Exercise. People watching.
Cons: Have to get out of car. Have to be around other people. No car radio. Slower.
Methodology: This is the method discovered by my platitudinous colleague entirely by accident while this advanced theory was under development. The problem is, when people are face to face, they automatically expect some form of structure conversation. Look at the following example where you and your homie enter a Bojangle's for some fine Southern nourishment (and possible heart and bowel problems):

Employee of Doom (and Laziness): "Hi. This for here or to go?"
You: "For here."
Employee of Doom (and Laziness): "What can I get you?"
You: "I need a filet biscuit combo."
Employee of Doom (and Laziness): "French Fries and Ice Tea?"
You: "Yeah"
Employee of Doom (and Laziness): "Anything else?"
You: "Yeah. Can I get an extra order of fries."
Employee of Doom (and Laziness): "Is that it?"
You: "No. I also need a quarter white."
Employee of Doom (and Laziness): "What sides?"

And so on and so forth. See? It's not an order. It's a legitimate conversation. If for no other reason that the make up of the human psychology. When you're face to face with a person you're on a level playing field and things like eye contact and body language come in to play and the full complexity of human interaction is on display. Even when you're just trying to stuff your face with some greasy shitfood. There's no magic to it. And there's no way around it.

FFOM 2: Drive Thru
Pros: Usually faster. In car entertainment to fill waiting times.
Cons: Planet raping (possibly a pro) via carbon monoxide emissions. Only one line, so it CAN also be slow. High likelihood that your order will be more fucked up than 3 year old after a shot of whisky.
Methodology: This method of ordering offers a completely streamlined experience. Since you're talking to an inanimate speaker there's no need for eye contact or those natural conversational pauses that normally occur when two people face off. There's no give and take in the conversation. The people manning the register on the other side of this speaker are trained to keep listening until you stop talking so fire away with your complete order, only pausing between complete sets of food. For example, you and your dogg are ordering at a Bojangle's drive thru.

Speaker of Doom (and Static): "Welco to Bojangle's. Can help oo?"
You: "Can I get a filet biscuit combo, French fries, Ice Tea, and an extra order of fries?"
Speaker of Doom (and Static): "Will tha be al?"
You: "I also need a quarter white, 2 biscuits with jelly, Ice Tea, and some Bo Rounds."
Speaker of Doom (and Static): "Th'll be nine sixty plurh. Pull round."

Pure speed right there. I love it. Plus I don't have to stand in line. I can sit on my ever expanding ass and listen to Earth, Wind, and Fire...I mean TI. Assuming Consuela and her microphone picked up everything you said, you're golden. I can't stress it enough...Do not wait for Consuela to confirm any part of your order. You will start talking over each other and things will get strange and awkward from there. You further increase your chances of a fucked up order and you may even end up on a date with Consuela. Consuela is not pretty. Trust me.

Conclusion
Both methods have their merits. You just have to know what you're getting in to. If you go into a restaurant you have to use method 1. Ty method 2 and you'll end up like poor Mikey. Repeating yourself like a parrot with a stutter. When speaking face to face people don't like to be ordered around, even though that's exactly what you're supposed to be doing. They like to spoken to like human beings. Not inanimate objects. Damn them all to hell.