Random thought that occured to me at lunch

You know what's really funny? At least to me. Fat people in hurry. It's funny on two levels.

First, it's funny to see fat people waddling around with their tubby legs working overtime to cover distances at more than 1.2 miles per hour. All the while blubber jiggles and sways to and fro with all the rhythmic grace of a whale having a siezure.

The second level is more of a metaphysical level of humor. If that's even the right word. It probably isn't so I'll just throw out another word I don't really know the meaning of: Existential. Yeah, that shit is so existential zombie Voltaire just crapped his pants with excitment. Where was I? Ah yes. Staying with today's nautical theme, seeing a fat person in a hurry (when they're not eating) is truly like seeing a fish out of water. Chances are, if you're a fat bastard, you're probably pretty lazy. So what the hell are you doing in a hurry? Take your time. No need to get sweaty(er). Everyone will understand why you're late and why you have ketchup on your shirt. Pants. And socks. It's because you're fat. You've got a Be Lazy for Free card. Use it well. Take some strain off your overworked heart and be the lazy bastard that got you to your current hefty place in life.

Oh I remember now. That's right. It's glandular. Sure it is. And I'm a world renowned ladies man.