Heston vs Nigella

BBC2's new schedule features 2 cooking shows in consecutive 8:30pm slots. They couldn't be more different. On Monday we have Nigella Express, Nigella Lawson's show that claims to show you how to cook very quick and easy recipes. Now, Nigella is no trained chef but her 'sexy' style has won her a lot of fans.

On Tuesday Heston Bluhmental's show, In Search of Perfection, takes classic dishes and uses the latest in gastronomic science to try and elevate them to the highest possible level that you can achieve in a home kitchen.

Now, on paper I'd expect Nigella's show to be more suitable for the LazyView reader, the concept of very quick easy recipes to make when you've got very little time is just what I need on a day to day basis. However, there is one major flaw, and it's not Nigella's ridiculously over the top flirting to the camera or her conveniently ethnically diverse "friends" who pop over for a surprise Sunday lunch. (although who does that? Who randomly pops over at the last minute and expects to get given a roast?) No. The problem is a combination of finances and a complete detachment from normal life.

In her last show Nigella got a phone call from 'the girls' who were going to pop over that evening for a drink. Nigella fancied a quiet night in but, of course, being the perfect hostess she says "sure, come over!" and because she's cooking the express way she hops in a taxi to her butcher and buys what must have been about £30 worth of lamb loin. Excuse me? I'm lazy, but I wouldn't get a taxi to the fucking butcher! (and I'm sorry to say if you pop over for a snack with your wine, you won't be getting prime cuts of lamb on a salad either... I might make an awesome cake though). Once she gets the lamb home she puts it together with a few bits and pieces she finds in her walk in pantry, which is organised geographically so if you want some south east asian flavours you just walk down to that section. I've seriously seen less well stocked specialist delis.

So yeah Nigella, it is easy to throw a meal for 4 together in a few minutes if you're going to throw £60 worth of ingredients and taxi fares at the problem but your average Joe like me considers a tin of tomatoes or some butter to be a store cupboard staple, not a packet of north african spicy sausages!

Heston on the other hand is one of the best and most creative chefs in the world. His restaurant, The Fat Duck, has been in the top 2 in the world for the past 6 years. Along with Ferran Adrià at El Bulli he is generally seen as at the forefront of experimental cooking. In his show he spends 6 months experimenting in his lab and traveling to the best restaurants and food science centres of the world, trying to perfect a series of what seem to be the most mundane of dishes, this week he tackled the mighty burger. Easy? Well, have you tried getting the perfect bite sized bun? Making cheese slices at home? Perfecting the blend of meat for your burger? I doubt it. Last week he spent a lot of time trying to achieve an oven temperature of 350 degrees c (gas mark 25) ina way that people could achieve at home. He was trying to replicate the heat of a Tandoor oven.

Heston's recipes are intensely complicated and the product of tens of hours of research, I doubt anyone will actually ever make them at home BUT you do learn a huge amount from them. Not only the science but little tips of the trade. eg. Star anise has a chemical in it that reacts with caremelising onions to produce a chemical that give you the Umami (meaty) flavour, in a similar way to monosodium glutamate, so if you put star anise in with the frying onions when you make your bolognese sauce it'll taste meatier.

LazyView verdict: Heston wins by miles.

Heston's show is brilliant, interesting to people who like cooking or science and despite his lofty credentials and the fact he's cooking at a level that most people will never even eat let alone be able to cook to he's totally in touch with real life. Watch his show and you'll learn something. Nigella's show is smug, annoying and completely out of touch with a normal person's reality. As a lazy person her show professionally offends me. Avoid.