Retirement

No, not from blogging. Though lately, could anyone tell the difference? I'm retiring from the game of Freecell. I promised myself, and told Mikey Mike, that if I ever won 100 games in a row I would quit forever. Sort of the Freecell final frontier. Recently I won that 100th game in a row. Therefore I must announcement my retirement from the international ranks of Freecell players.

I've played over 2000 games of Freecell. Won 90% of them. The final goal was 100 wins in a row. Now, before anyone goes crazy thinking I went out a winner, let me just put that thought to bed. I promptly lost game 101. Even when I achieve a goal, I do so at the bare minimum!

How does this tie into lazyness I hear some people asking? Well, besides not overachieving by even 1 game, I did all of this while I was at work. Avoiding work is a time honored lazy tradition. So now I must take up something else to kill time at work. I guess I'll try Hearts or maybe the most annoying game in the world, Minesweeper. I already feel like my soul is being blown up when I'm at work, maybe stepping on electronic mines will proove to be therputic. Or maybe it will drive me insane.

Have a Lazy Christmas!

We won't be around much the next week or so, the holiday season, family stuff, drinking etc. So have fun, drink and eat as responsibly as we will be. HA!

And you thought we were lazy?

Those lazy bastards at 3D Realms have been developing the follow up to Duke Nukem 3D for over 10 years now. Duke Nukem Forever started development in April 1997. For those of you who don't follow computer games the normal development cycle would take 2 or 3 years. So what have those brilliant people done in 10 years?

Well, they've developed the following brilliant teaser trailer.



Seriously, they make me look industrious. BTW. Any game delayed this long will seriously suck hard. This is a 100% certainty. It's a shame because I loved Duke Nukem 3D. It took a lot of my time at university.

Just for the sake of interest, here's the first trailer they released in 1998.

3 years hard labour!

Damnit! The stupid government have said that we won't get our state pensions until we're 68 from 2044. I'm too lazy to work out if that means I have to work for an extra 3 years or not but lots of people will have to. Rubbish.

Our movie writing career

Danny and I have often talked about what great films we could write if we weren't too lazy to actually write any. The other day a friend of mine sent me a link to a trailer for a film called Machine Girl. Now, I don't want to give too much away before you watch it, but I think it could just be our perfect movie.

They've done it again

Those divinely winded samurais have pushed the limits of robot power even further. This time they've teamed up two robots in order to serve people drinks! That's one less reason I have to get off the couch.

If the Japs aren't building a toilet robot right now, I'll eat my hat.

Oh god, not more online games to waste time with?

Those excellent guys at the Casual Collective have finally launched their site out of Beta. These are the guys who released Desktop Tower Defence and then quit their jobs to make games for a living once they found out how successful they were. Fair play to them!

There are a few new games on the site. I've been playing a bit of the Desktop Armada single player missions. Much fun.

Get yourself fired

Start playing this game: Jumpers for Goalposts.

Take yourself through an entire career as a professional footballer. Can you get into a good team, score all their goals (the rest of your team obviously read LazyView), get a nice car and house whilst keeping your coach, your demanding girlfriend, your friends and the media happy?

Why not give it a go? Answer: because it's addicive and you'll get fired.

Christmas Shopping

So,I have been ultra organised this year. Rather than doing all my shopping in a mad rush on Christmas Eve, I have actually done it all already. Partly this is because my girlfriend has to post stuff up to Scotland and needs to get it sorted early. Anyway, we had a day off work do shopping yesterday so in the morning we went to look at drums for my girlfriend, then in the afternoon we zipped round town. I got everything I needed in an hour and a half, then we met my brother in the pub. Woo! Unfortunately he met us on the way to do his shopping and a few beers later he decided he couldn't face it.

Yeah, I'm smug. My tip is you have to know what you want before you go and exactly where to find it. I hate shopping a lot so aimless wandering and faffing around looking at different things drives me a bit mental. My girlfriend did a bit of that, but not too much.

On the downside, I am now completely broke.

Christmas Shopping the Lazy Way

I was punished yesterday for being not lazy. That's right, not only is being lazy easier and more enjoyable than working hard but working hard is no guarantee of success. Sometimes hard work just results in nothing more than some planet raping, wasted time, and frustration. If I'm going to experience all that I'd rather be at home getting rejected by women on Match.com. At least then I won't have people staring at me when I start crying.

The mistake I made was simple, yet grave. I went out Christmas shopping.

Let me make this clear people, you need to do ALL your Christmas shopping online. At least to start with. You may not buy anything online, but initial shopping and research is invaluable. You can check prices, compare prices at competing stores, check availability, find store locations, and yes...even buy things.

I did not do this. End result: Me driving 60 miles round trip (that's almost $10 worth of gas, I feel like Al Gore is watching me now), visiting 2 stores and a mall and not buying a single god damn present. However, I did see a fat guy huffing his lonely way through the mall parking lot in mismatched sweat pants and shirt. That made me laugh until I realized that in 5 years I would be that guy. That left me depressed.

Look at it this way. The worst thing that can happen is you learn what stores not to go to. That's still results in time and effort savings for you. Plus, you lessen your chances of having to shoot someone in a parking lot over a parking space. One more incident like that and I'm going to jail for a long time. The next time a mother fucker pulls through a space I'm trying to park in, just so he can face forward, he'd better duck because I'm throwing shots his way.

Best case scenario, you buy all your shit online and surf pr0n in another window. Nothing quite like pantless Christmas shopping. And that's something only the Internet and laziness can give you.