Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The origin of laziness

While watching the bootlegged trailer from Comic-Con for the Wolverine Origin movie I got to thinking. Always a dangerous situation so I had to lay down. As I was laying in my underwear on the couch covered in a fine coat of Doritos cheese dust, I wondered "Where does being lazy come from?". I mean, everything comes from somewhere right? Eggs come from chickens. Babies come from storks. Lawnmowers come from Mexico, as does salmonella. Credit crunches come from a combination of stupid banks over lending, and stupid people over extending. Everything else comes from China.

Everything has an origin, and laziness is no different. Laziness is generated by a very specific, and also very dangerous, type of attitude. The "I don't give a fuck" attitude.

This attitude manifests itself in 3 different ways.

1) The Lazy I don't give a fuck way.
Here you get your standard lazy person, like Mike and I. In this area you don't give a fuck if anything really gets done so you always try to find a way not to do something or find the easiest way to get that something done. If it has to be done. Like eating. Or going to the bathroom without missing any TV or letting your dinner get cold (or finding ways of preventing your dinner from being too damn hot).

2) The Lazy, yet I'm an asshole, and don't give a fuck way.
In this dangerous little combo you get your criminals and thugs. People who are too lazy and stupid to go to school or get a job, yet they're also assholes so they steal and rob and beat people up. They're also amazingly unconcerned with personal safety and well being. They end up making people scared to go to malls or drive through certain parts of town and are thankfully gunned down or incarcerated at an early age. Or they end up being politicians.

3) The shockingly hardworking, I just don't give a fuck way.
This is how you get stuntmen, ninjas, samurais, and, sadly, X-Games athletes. These people are too energetic to just do fuckall on the couch all day so they're bound to do something. Not get a real job, of course, the "Don't give a fuck attitude" must manifest itself somehow. And so it does so with the same disregard for personal safety that is a hallmark of Type 2. By flinging yourself through the air in a mostly made up career that is of questionable value in modern society. At least these people aren't assholes though. Imagine trying to run down a criminal if he jumped over 20 school buses, or did a double back flip over a building during the get away.

Here at LazyView we're only concerned with type 1 and, occasionally, type 2. Type 3 people are cool to watch, mostly because they're going to end up in traction or with a shuriken sticking out of the forehead. And if someone gets that on video, we'll be sure to post it. Because it's funny when dumbasses get jacked up.

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