Break out the driver
Look, morons. Are you one of those people constantly driving down the road with 400 yards of open space in front of you? You're tooling down the road like an old man post prostate surgery as you say to yourself "Hmmm, traffic isn't so bad this morning!". I've got news for you assholes. It's because you're the god damn traffic jam. You're the half-wit stacking up cars and forming the very beginnings of a rush hour traffic jam. I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable to get with 100 yards of another car but get the fuck out of the left lane, dickhead.
Where am I going with this? Well, some of you (both out there in the tubes of the internets and possibly even in an office downtown) may have noticed that a lot of things piss me off even more than usual when driving. What is it about driving that drives (ha ha! Puny pun pun pun!) me so crazy?
Well, here's the answer .... I'm lazy. I'm lazy and I'm not driving because it's fun. It's work. I'm driving because I'm going some place and your dumb ass is getting in my way. That place I'm going, the place you're stopping me from getting? That's where I want to be, not in my smelly car, looking at your retarded political and environmental bumper stickers, wondering how many times your parents dropped you on your head when you were a baby.
No you're probably not getting in my way intentionally, so maybe I could cut you some slack. Wrong, asshole. You're even worse that that. You're getting in my way because you're an idiot who can't follow the rules of the road and has his/her head jammed so far up their ass their spastic colon is clearly having an effect on driving ability. You're the same kind of idiot who blocks a drive thru because you don't know how to order and when you do, you order for 5 people and customize every detail of the order. The same kind of idiot who waits until the checkout person at the supermarket gives you your total before you even take out your checkbook. The same damn idiot who stops and stands in the middle of a hallway chatting on your cellphone.
Don't be an inconsiderate cock holster. Recognize where you are, what you need to do, and get the fuck out of everyone else's way.
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5 comments:
I bet you were in your happy place when you wrote that.
It felt good to get that out. And had I not been distracted by work it probably would have been about 30 lines longer. All cuss words.
If you could just have all that printed on wallet sized cards I'd be handing them out like you hand out candy to little kids. There's a real marketing opportunity here.
and don't forget the dickhead thats take up at least two parking places when they park !!
I have noticed that I seem to suffer from road rage on nikki behalf thou, maybe its the biker in me but I know the laws of the road, had to riding a bike or I would have been dead also i have this uncanny nack of picking out who is going to be an arsehole driver (in the uk its tends to be BMW and Audi Drivers) and I get wound up with them even before they pull the dumb stunt they are going to pull
what Lurker said
and even better, make a bumper sticker
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