Friday, January 4, 2008

Lazy is a dangerous business

Being lazy is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes it can be dangerous. To be professionally lazy you've got to know not only your own limits, but the limits of the environment around you as well.

Here we find a horrifying tale about two people who are clearly not professionally lazy. they tried to be lazy and take the elevator as they should, but they ignored a greater power of laziness. Who the fuck works on the holidays? This is God's punishment for not respecting Christmas and being lazy at home. You get stuck in an elevator and almost die. Respect thy Lord or He shall breaketh a holy booteth offeth in thy asseth. God rewards those who are truly lazy.

It's quite alarming when lazy technology works against mankind but it does happen. One day the god damn elevators of the world are going to turn against us and we're going to be fucked. The world will revert to 1 and two story buildings and cities will sprawl uncontrollably and the environment will be overrun and talking monkey's will rise.

Now that Al Gore is panicking and preparing an anti-elevator documentary, I have many questions about the linked story. How tall was the building? How tall was Beata Bartoszewicz? Was cannibalism ever considered? Was the elevator covered in human waste? Were they holding each other tenderly, about to make creepy, incestuous love for one last thrill before the end? What the hell is up with the name Beata Bartoszewicz? Is she hot? What color panties was she wearing? Are my underwear clean today? Am I wearing underwear today? Why does my appendix hurt?

Of course they'll probably sue somebody and the company will be forced to put up a sign near the elevator that says "In case of holiday, use stairs."

4 comments:

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DV said...

I don't know what that guy is saying, but I bet it sucks.