Unwritten Rules of Laziness

Actually, almost all the rules of being lazy are unwritten because no one wants to make the effort to write them down. Well, I'm going to start writing some of them down because I'm an attention whore and I want people to read what I write even if it doesn't make any sense. Also I hate working and blogging is slightly better than work.

Rule #18
Don't volunteer for anything.

Really obvious rule, but then again it took mankind a few thousand years to chisel down Thou Shalt Not Steal so even the obvious needs recording. Mankind is, afterall, generally retarded.

Volunteering for anything is asking for more work to do. It doesn't get any un-lazier than that. Would you ever go to your boss and say, "Hey shithead? Can you give me more projects to code and documents to write?"? No. You wouldn't. Unless you were a brownnosing suckup who kisses ass in their spare time.

Furthermore, always remember that any time anyone asks for volunteers it's a big time warning sign that the task at hand is shitty. The task is so shitty they feel guilty even thinking about making someone do it so they want some idiot to volunteer for it to make them feel better. Don't fall for that. They should feel terrible. Make them order you to do it. That way everyone is pissed off at each other and the natural balance of the world is maintained.

Mike has pointed this out. If you're volunteering for something with the idea of getting a reward down the road, you're playing a dangerous game. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Friends help each so often anyway, volunteering to help them will get you no where. They'll help you because you're friends. And you'll help them for the same reason. As for strangers, well, they're strangers for a reason. So fuck them. They'll probably never pay you back.