for the lack of blogs, I've been at Reading Festival getting drunk in a field. Danny still has 2 blogs that he started at the beginning of the month and has nearly completed but hasn't quite managed to publish yet. Hassle him!
My girlfriend just scheduled for us to go out for dinner by putting it in our Google Calendar. Of course, she talked to me about it before, I'm sure, and I remember very clearly that we'd arranged this so it's not a surprise. Definitely not. Very clear recollections I have. So it's fine she didn't say where we were going or anything in the calendar entry. Erm.
On the other hand according to the settings for the event I am allowed to invite others! Woo!
Mike Tyson Zone - Noun - A state of being a person enters where, no matter what you hear he or she did, you will believe it as they are well known to be just that damn crazy. Initially named after the boxer Mike Tyson because that dude is really fucking crazy. Ex: "Jim is in the Tyson Zone! I heard he punched a cop's horse, stole the saddle, put the saddle on his Mom and rode her through the streets of New York? Yeah, I can see that."
Stupid Zone - Noun - An offshoot of the Mike Tyson zone where, instead of craziness, no level of stupidity is unbelievable. Not currently named after any individual but there are a lot of current contenders.
All credit goes to Bill Simmons of ESPN.com for the idea of the Tyson Zone. I don't want to be accused of plagiarism, which really, deserves its own post on LazyView someday. Plagiarism got me through school and is responsible for probably half the code I write. Or copy I should say.
Of course, there's not just a zone for being crazy or stupid. There are others. Maybe we'll write about those one day. Then again maybe you can just go fuck yourself.
About two years ago I cut down and dug out the roots of a row of bushes that lined the street in front of our house. They were about 12 to 15 feet tall, so it was quite a job. I managed to get rid of the branches, trunks and roots by cutting them into roughly four foot lengths and putting them into garbage cans. The garbage guys come twice a week, and I could generally get rid of two or three cans with every pickup. It worked quite nicely up until the very last root section, which was huge. The garbage guys wouldn't take it because it was too heavy, so I decided to leave it in my yard next to the street until I could figure out what to do with it.
Like I said, that was two years ago and it sat there until yesterday. It seems I was being lazy about getting out of the house and going to work, so I hadn't taken the garbage out when my wife heard the garbage truck coming up the street. As I was conveniently in the shower, she took the cans out just as the truck pulled up. The guy waits for her to get the cans to the street, and once she gets there he asks "Lady, what are you gonna do with that stump?" She replies, "I don't know. I've been waiting for my husband to get rid of it." He says "I'm sick of looking at it" and lugs it into the garbage truck.
Problem solved, once again proving the highly productive benefits of laziness. Also note how laziness managed to get the garbage cans to the street that day as well.
"If only we were hard workers. we'd be very successful. We're pretty clever guys."
I need to renew my passport, which is a bit of a faff, so I went onto the Passport Service website to check stuff out and found out that I could fill in my application online and they'd post me the forms all printed and filled in and all I need to do is sign them, give them some photos and send it back. Woo.
So I went and had a look at the driving licence website. Mine is the old paper one and has basically fallen apart so I do need to replace that at some stage if I ever want to drive anywhere. It's even easier to replace my driving licence, I can do that whole thing online. They'll even get my photo from the passport people. Brilliant.
I discovered a new way to get in trouble with the ol' ball and chain last night (and that's probably another way right there too).
Pedophilia. Or at least being accused of pedophilia. See, BaC (Ball and Chain for those of you slow on the uptake) turns on the Teen Choice awards as "nothing else is on". Up pops Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus. Two young starlets who enjoy taking risky pictures of themselves on their cellphones that invariably get stolen and posted online. So anyway, Vanessa wins an award and BaC says "See girls, there's your lesson. Show your tits and you'll win an award." To which I respond, "Absolutely. And thank god for that too." So suddenly I'm a pedophile.
First of all Vanessa Hudgens was totally 18 when those pictures were taken. Go on, look it up. I'm not allowed as I'm posting this from work.
Secondly, Miley Cyrus wasn't naked. At least not yet. And there's nothing wrong with looking at those pictures. You can see girls like that walking around the malls looking even more like whores on any given day.
I suppose that's not really helping my case though, is it?
Anyway, this will teach her not to turn on the Teen Choice Awards in the future.
Final note: I think this is going to result in us getting linked in some scary google searches.
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