... but this is just greedy.

DV's post inspired an immediate follow up for me, for our final blog of the month. Ah... Next month will be a particularly difficult month as I am on holiday for a week in rainy Scotland watching Rugby and D is going to gamble with his life in the seedy sex and drug dens of the far east.

Anyway, the story. One that'll make you sick. There are plenty of poor, hard working *ahem* nice guys like us in the world who are worthy of a great lottery win. Unfortunately, because of it's stupid random nature, sometimes unworthy people win. I don't mean stupid the violent chavs / rednecks who just waste their money on tacky crap and anti-social behaviour. No, that's fine. At least they are having fun. This is much worse. I just read a story about an elderly couple in Florida who won $5m dollars on the lottery. Eugene Angelo (81) and his wife are the lucky couple. It is bad enough that 2 decrepit old codgers who can probably barely open themselves a beer let alone enjoy a piss in their gold toilet, after drinking half the contents of their beer filled swimming pool won the jackpot, but it gets worse.

They had already won millions on the lottery in 1996!

Lazy your way to Riches

I've reached the point in my life where I pretty much know I'm never going to be rich by working hard. I'm far too lazy and unskilled for that. I'm left with very few options to getting rich. Getting rich is a must because there's no way in hell I'm working for another 20 or 30 or 40 years. I'll kill myself long before then (if someone else doesn't do it first).

So last week the Powerball lottery was up to a ludicrous $315 million dollars. I played for the first time in my life. "How could degenerate loser like you be a first timer?" you ask. I have two rules about gambling. One, I will only play the lottery when it gets up to ridiculous amounts of money. I'm not wasting my one win on $200,000 dollars. I'd blow through that faster than Tony Montana through a pile of Columbian marching powder. I need enough money so I can finally get gold toilets. And rule two, I try to only gamble with my life.

Anyway, I bought 10 tickets for 10 bucks. Seemed like a fair amount without going overboard. Obviously I didn't win, because if I did I'd still be face down in the penthouse of a hotel in Miami Beach surrounded by hookers, cristal bottles, and at least 2 barnyard animals. Hell, I only got 1 number right. In truth I never expected to win because I am the epitome of loser. I never win anything. The one contest I did win was for a free copy of a PC game called Daikatana. For those of you who don't remember that, google it and get a laugh. Even when I win I lose. But I was hoping to win that lottery dammit. I need to win it. It's my only hope.

Hmmm, this sounds suspiciously like the beginnings of a gambling problem.

Attempting to make our lives easier

This post has one purpose and one purpose only. It is designed as an attempt to make our (mostly Mike's) lives easier in the future. I am going to list some words and phrases in an attempt to attract people to this blog when they're doing random searches.

It's like chumming for sharks, but with more curse words and less blood. Hopefully. I could start bleeding with rage any minute. It's worth the risk though. We need more traffic.

Here we go:
whores
geishas
cock monsters
seasame street
moonshine
manchester united football
chelsea suck horse cocks
brickbat lingerie
fuck it's cold in my office
faceplant
donkey show
star trek fanfic

There, that's a fair start. Should draw exactly the people we're looking for.

Efficiency.

At university (lazier than getting a job) I 'studied' Physics with Astrophysics. There are good reasons why that was a lazy choice, but I won't get into them now. One of the main areas of the course we got marked on was project work, which was great. I think it counted for about 30% of the final grade in the end. One of our projects involved using the University Observatory to take some measurements on a subject of our choosing (from a list of options).

My group was an exceptional group of like minded individuals. Two of us had, the year before, been the most efficient lab partnership in history, completing our "all day" lab assignments that were scheduled from 11am to 6pm in time for a late lunchtime beer almost every week. If we were into very lame rhyming our motto would have been "get the data, write up later" or even sometimes "borrow a member of the year above's lab book for hints". So, when the time came for the Observatory project we had one goal, get out in time for last orders (which back in those days was 10:50pm). Obviously being a telescope based project, we had to start when it got dark so time was limited.

We knew what we had to do, we found out how the telescope worked in advance. Asked previous groups who'd already been for tips on set-up, worked out what measurements we needed to take and we were ready to rock. This was done in the Physics tea room or in the pub of course.

When we got to the observatory our supervisor was obviously thinking he was in for a long night. We were the slackers who left labs early and never went to tutorials after all, and there were only three of us when groups were normally 4 people. I still remember now the slightly stunned look that remained on his face all night as we swung into action.

There was quite a lot of set up and calibration that had to be done before we could take any measurements and this required 2 people I think, 1 in the telescope room and 1 working the computer. So we split our team very sensibly, 1 with the telescope, 1 with the computer, 1 making everyone a nice cup of tea. Once we were set up and had our hot beverages (and biscuits) sorted out we carried on with our tasks. Teammate 1 read out the co-ordinates for the next star, teammate 2 used the computer to move the 'scope, teammmate 3 recorded the results whilst teammate 1 was looking up the next star. We finished all the required measurements and took quite a few extra because we had time. I know this breaks the fundamental rule of not exceeding expectations, but it would have been rude to leave so early. Once we had that data we got packed up and, of course, got to the pub by closing time.

In the end I got a decent degree because of the quality of my project work... I missed too many lectures and failed too many exams to have passed on that alone. This kind of thing was perfect training for the world of work.

Bad Technology! BAD!

We here at lazyview love technology and we often talk about how it helps us expand our laziness horizon. Like all things though, technology has a dark side. It can be twisted and abused for purposes other than making lives easier.

Take this Poor Sap who works for a school district in New York, for example. Work gives him a fancy new cell phone with push to talk (aka walkie talkie) and other features. Poor Sap accepts new phone and uses it . Poor Sap skips out on work a couple hours early and is nailed by the GPS tracking. Poor Sap is fired.

The horror! A cell phone and GPS turned against us! I'm a huge fan of GPS because I get lost ALL the time. I'm rather nonplussed about the cell phone because I don't have any friends to call me anyway, but I suppose they have made life easier. How the hell did anyone meet up with a group of people in crowded places or unknown places before the cell phone? I feel like 10 or 15 years ago people were essentially wandering around like lost puppies just hoping to randomly bump into someone they knew.

Now I suppose you could argue that this technology has made the lives of the school district overseers easier and has allowed them to ferret out an abuser of the system. Such an argument could only be termed gay in the truest interpretation of internet arguing protocol and quickly ignored.

Also, let this be a lesson to all of you. Push to talk is retarded.

The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog - 2

I suppose it should have been inevitable really, since posting The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog last time our ranking in Google searches for "Harry Potter's cock" have gone through the roof and people are finding us by searching for that all the time. I guess this post will make the situation worse. With that in mind, here is a picture of him from that play where he got his kit off for all of you searchers to enjoy:


If you want more, I reckon you might have more success searching for Daniel Radcliffe Equus. Good luck Potter cock hunters.

It's not all been about the supple 11 inch Willow and Pheonix feather rod though. On no, we've had some other great searches find us. Some people might have found something useful. One searcher found us by searching for fantasy premierleague improvements, and they may have gone away happy.

One poor searcher was searching for how to be less lazy, this is entirely the wrong place for that! Another search was just for i am lazy which is quite a brilliant thing to search for. I might even give that one a go later. I would imagine that Google would ignore the i and am and just search for lazy.

Once again there is a clear winner for the month though. Someone found us by searching for "inane sandwich" which is pure genius. What could they possibly have been after? I really hope they are still reading and can let us know because I'd love to have an inane sandwich.

Deadline Day 2

That's right folks, we've done it again. Once again we're way behind our target of posts for the month. We need seven more posts by the end of play today to make those brackets next to August read 31. Well, six after this one so it should be easier than last month. A couple of people have asked me "Why have a deadline like this, and stick to it, if you're so lazy" so I'll answer here.

Sure, we're people who enjoy doing nothing, but we also live in a world where, sadly, none of us are born rich or have won the lottery so we still have to go to work to get paid so that we can survive. This means that we have to get stuff done. We have deadlines to meet, targets to hit just like anyone else and it often it is a lot easier to hit the deadlines, meet your targets than it is to deal with the fallout of missing them. I have a good example to demonstrate this point from my past that I'll post in a seperate entry later today. No use wasting 2 ideas on a day like today!

Great Moments in Laziness

I'm not going to research anything about this great moment, but it happened and we've all benefitted from it. Probably in the very recent past. Look! I just used it right there!

What the hell am I talking about? What is this great invention? It's another of those little things that you don't realize how great it is until it's not there. You know it, you love it. No I'm not talking about internet porn (yet). I'm talking about the mighty Undo feature/button.

Can I say anything funny about the Undo button? Not really. I just wish I had one in real life. Christ I could have saved myself a lot of embarassment.

A potentially great lazy tool, ruined.

Last night we found we had a bizarre fault on our phoneline. Broadband was connected fine, but our Sky+ box could not call out to get updated TV listings. It turned out we had no dial tone. I've never seen a fault like that before. Normally the ADSL is the first thing to go. Anyway we were on our way out when we found the problem so we decided to leave it until this evening and see if it sorted itself out.

In the meantime, I decided I'd go and have a look on the BT website to get the phone number for fault reporting and see if there were any other handy tips or anything. I found that they had this brilliant fault reporting area where you could automatically run a line-check on your line from the internet. What a great idea. So I put in our number and fired off the line check. Only to get the following response:

"Please call 0800 022 3085.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to report a fault online at this time. To report a fault please call 0800 022 3085.

If you would like to report a fault with someone else's BT line or a BT payphone line please use the boxes below to do so."

Damn them. Online fault testing and reporting could have saved me what'll probably be 30 mins on hold listening to crap music and the robot woman apologising for the delay.

Edit: To be fair to BT, I called the number above and it was answered within 3 rings. I wasn't put on hold at all. Very impressed. They are going to run a line check and see what's wrong and call me back, but at the moment I'm happy.

Edit 2: A mere 2 minutes later I was called back, they found a fault on the line. Promised to have the fault fixed by the end of the next working day and offered to keep me updated by text message. They are also redirecting incoming calls to my mobile in the meantime. Brilliant. Well done BT. We at Lazy View love people who make our lives easy and this more than makes up for not being able to run the line check online.

Lazy drinking

Good news for lazy coffee drinkers (who use sugar and/or milk)

This coffee mug has an automatic stirring device. Press the button and your coffee is stirred. Also works for tea, apparantly.

Available here.

Outspoken people

Outspoken people are fanatics. They have spent time and energy thinking about taking a stand in an argument, and are willing to fight for their position.

I'm too lazy to be outspoken. I don't care for this or the other position, and I certainly don't have the energy to defend my opinion. Especially on the internets, people argue, and argue, and keep on going and going without end. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

I need a rest now.

Critical Situation

Folks, we've got a situation here. As you may know, we like to average 1 post per day for our mighty blog. Since we're so damn lazy, we're invariably short at least 10 posts at the end of the month. That means, right now, it's crunch time here at Lazy View. We've got to sac up and get work.

Unfortunately I'm filled with an absolutely obscene amount of malaise at this junction. I couldn't care less about anything right now even if I was unconscious. I have absolutely no desire to see anything successfully accomplished. I would like to do nothing more than go home, sit on the couch, and drink myself into oblivion. What an unfortunate situation.

Can Mike and the Dallying Dutchman pick up the slack and rally to meet the goal? Will I shake off yet another one of my apathetic states and come through in the clutch? Tune in all this week to find out!

Is there anyone in the world who doesn't want to be Spider-Man?

I saw this story on the BBC earlier about scientists who say they'll soon be able to create a Spider-Man costume that'll allow people to actually climb walls. This sounds really good until you realise that just having a suit with hooks on the fingers just means that you'll have to haul your fat arse up the building with your own muscle power. Sure, it's an interesting discovery but unless it comes with web slingers, superhuman strength and a nicely toned body that requires no exercise to maintain I'm really not interested. Oh and spider-sense, superhuman agility and some witty one-liners would also be useful. Get on it scientists!

Speaking of scientists, some brilliant people have just achieved what could be one of the greatest Lazy Science breakthroughs ever. They've succesfully found a big fat load of nothing.

The rediscovered awesomeness of buses

For the last 6 years or so I've lived right in the middle of town. Barely stumbling distance from the town center. It's been brilliant. Anything you could possibly want virtually on your doorstep. Unfortunately when we were buying a place there wasn't anything that fitted our requirements in the middle of town (ie. a house not a flat) so we moved a very little bit further out.

My new house is about 10 minutes walk from the center of town, about 15 from the station. I go to the station every morning and, at first, I walked every day. One morning last week it was pouring with rain, I was tired and as I was passing the bus stop at the end of my road a bus came past, so I thought, sod this walking in the rain, I'll get the bus into town. So I did. I went a pathetically short distance, all of about 4 stops, saving myself about 10 minutes walk for a hefty cost of £1.50. It was absolutely brilliant.

In the week following I've been on loads of buses. No distance has been too short, no excuse too trivial. I even got a night bus home for the first time ever. I am trying to wean myself off buses, it really is a waste of money which'll add up over the course of a year and I know that if the bus sign shows that the next bus is 5 minutes or more away I can probably walk it faster. But sitting and being driven somewhere is so much better than walking. I can see why people with cars never walk anywhere, even the shortest of distances.

I almost forgot best thing about the bus in the morning at the moment is that schools are on holiday so there are no kids on them only adults going to work. I suspect when school holidays are over my wonderful empty commuter buses will be filled with noisy kids screaming at each other. I hope not!

The Future of Laziness....Er Skynet has detailed files on human anatomy

This doesn't really tie into laziness, but I'm blogging it anyway because we like to cover robot news here at Lazy View.

Our previous robot articles have been many (here, here, and here, or even here). There's probably more but I've already put way more effort into this than I intended. Now I add one more robo-article as a cautionary tale.

Behold....the first generation terminator!

Once again the Japs lead the way in frigthening robotic technology. This time the sake drinking Kamikazes have created a robotic video game that will pwn you by breaking your arm. Now robots know how to hurt us. They've got a taste for blood, and we're one step closer to Domo Arigato Mr Roboto taking over the world.



I included the image just because that robot is awesome in a creepy way and because everyone is having a good time except the guy about to get fucked up by a mannequin that looks like a pedophile.

The Dangers of Fast Food

Fast food can be dangerous. If you're from the coaly hills of West Virginia and borderline retarded, it's not just the deliciously fatty decadence that will get you.

Check this semi-old story out: McTard orders sandwich of death. Sadly survives. That's the title I would have used for the article.

For those too lazy to click the link, which I hope is most of you, allow me to summarize thusly: Some fool went to the drive through and ordered a cheeseburger, without the cheese (which is known as a hamburger to those sophisticates in the big city), and even though he claims to have had great difficulty ordering he didn't check the burger. Oh, no big deal right? Wrong. It's a pretty big deal if you turn out to be allergic to the cheese that is still on the burger. So McTard takes one bite and he's near death on his way to hospital. As my headline gave away, he survived to levy the inevitable "I'm stupid but you should be looking out for me" lawsuit.

Now, I touched on this briefly in a previous, massively entertaining post. I believe I phrased it something like "High likelihood that your order will be more fucked up than 3 year old after a shot of whisky." What I didn't mention was that such an ordering mistake could be fatal. My bad. I feel sort of responsible for all our readers out there who died because they couldn't check their food. I should have voiced a stonger warning. Ok, I don't really feel bad. Especially for this brazenly stupid fast food denizen. After all the guy probably can't read. Anyway, let me put a stronger warning out there now. DO NOT under any circumstances put in a a crazy order at the drive in. Just don't do it. If you want your sandwich with or without something non standard, walk your ass inside. Seriously. As unlazy as that sounds ordering at a drive thru can be dangerous business. It should NEVER be attempted when ordering non standard menu items. This goes triple, or quintuple or some other really large multiplier when you're ordering something that you're allergic to.

Also, if you're deathly allergic to something, you should probably look at your food pretty closely anyway. You never know.

Final note, take a look at the picture on that link. That's not the retard in question. That's the retard's lawyer. He looks like Ronald McDonald's illegitimate child. Maybe he's got a personal grudge in all this. Daddy always liked Grimace the best.

A TV Revolution

So far my Sky TV experience has been absolutely brilliant. I called them to order TV on Tuesday and it was installed on Sunday. They could have installed it earlier, but that was the earliest I could manage. An extremly professional and helpful installer turned up at about 2:30pm, adjusted our dish a bit, installed our box, downloaded some updates and I was all set up to watch the last 10 minutes of the Manchester derby on Sky Sports and the whole of the Liverpool Chelsea game. The installer commented that he'd never seen a TV like ours before and asked where it had come from. I assured him it wasn't foreign, just really old, but I don't think he believed me. It still works fine though, we'll see how all your fancy plasmas and LCD screens are doing in 15 years time (yes, I'm jealous... wait until I have some money!).

The Sky+ box itself is an exceptional bit of kit. It's incredibly fast and easy to use. The 'pause live TV' feature that we all know from the Sky adverts is going to change the way I watch TV. Desperate to urinate? Need another beer? Pizza man arrived just as your team wins a penalty? Girlfriend urgently needs to talk about curtains in the middle of your favourite show? Just pause it and continue a few minutes later. Someone arrives late for the football? Pause the kick-off and fast forward catch up to live during the half time adverts.

I've tried to do some of this stuff on my PC, recording onto hard drive froma TV card, and it's slow and horrible. On the sky box it's so quick and silent you don't notice anything's happening. I can watch a show and record something else. I can record two things at once and watch a previously recorded program and tell it to automatically record an entire series at the touch of a button. I truly have moved from our antiquated old set-up into the 21st Century. A bit of further research also shows that I can pipe Sky all around the house using the existing RFF links, and even use one or more of these handy Sky Link gadgets to set it up so that the remotes will work in each room. Although we can't watch two things simultaneously in different rooms, unless we get more boxes.

So far, so good, Broadband is supposed to be active on Thursday 'but allow 3 days after that' so I'll let you know how that goes.

www

These days almost every site will allow you to just type in the url without the www bit of the site address. eg. if you were crazy enough to type in lazyview.com the magical internet grabber on your computer will show you this site. So why is it that some url registering places don't automatically make the site work without the www for you? Apparently it's something to do with DNS entries. If you work at one of these url registering places sort it out. That information should be enough to go on.

I am much too lazy to type in www every time and never do, so it makes me mad when the site only works on a www address and without www it gives you a "this page had been registered on behalf of one of our users" holding page. It's even more annoying if you are browsing on a phone I suspect... although my phone automatically puts the www. in there for me which is nice of it. Not if I want to go to news.bbc.co.uk or fantasy.premierleague.com though!

I guess that if everyone didn't find the site they wanted to go to by putting the site name into the google search bar in their browser these days it'd be even more annoying. You don't even have to type the .com or .co.uk anymore. Woo!

We're killing the planet!

According to the Guardian it's lazy bastards like us that are killing the planet. Damn us. This story is the inspiration for my latest LazyView poll. See the top right of the page.

I sold my soul to the gods of TV

I feel bad about giving money to Rupert Murdoch, I really do. You only need to see his guest appearance on The Simpsons to know he's not a very nice man. If only he didn't provide such excellent Premiership Football coverage in a competitively priced package with broadband, cheap phone calls and the most excellent Sky+ box. Damn him. So I've sold my soul to Sky TV.

Originally our plan was to stick with our existing phone/broadband provider when we moved house and, as the previous occupants of the house had kindly left us a dish, think about Sky in the future. Unfortunately our previous provider, Bulldog, were useless. They originally quoted us 2 weeks to move the line, which I thought was pretty crap. Nothing happened and when we called them 2 and a half weeks later it turned out they only had a record of our cancellation and no record of a new order with them. So rather than wait another two weeks, and with very little in the way of help from them, we told them where to stick it and decided to get Sky's combination package instead.

For those of you not familiar with the Sky process, the first step is to get a BT phone line connected. I phoned BT after work on Thursday and our phone line was connected by the time I got back from work on Monday. I thought that was excellent. Today I called Sky, signing up was easy and their engineer is going to come and fit the TV on Sunday afternoon. Hopefully he'll be here in time for the Super Sunday double bill of the Manchester derby and Liverpool vs Chelsea. Fingers crossed the installation will be one of the easiest the engineer has ever done. The previous inhabitants of the house have left us a Sky dish fully connected with 2 cables into the house for Sky+ so theoretically all he has to do is plug the Sky+ box into the cables and stick our card in the slot.

I will update you with how this process goes. Sky are don't have a reputation for great customer services and any of us who've dealt with big companies like this before know that it's always very easy to sign up with them but can be much more difficult to get Customer Services to resolve issues. I had absolute nightmares with NTL a few years ago

Cost wise? Well our old combination phone + broadband cost us £30 a month, the new package, which is virtually the same phone and broadband with the addition of all the Sky Digital channels and Sky Sports will be £53 a month, including the BT line rental. £17 of the extra cost is the Sky Sports Subscription.

So in summary, I'll still be watching way too much TV, but I'll have a bigger selection of crap to watch, will be able to record so much stuff that I never have time to catch up on it all and can see so much football I'll get totally sick of it. Brilliant.

Europeans are lazy bastards

I was forwarded a link to this news story this morning. Had I been drinking coffee at the time I would have spat it all over my laptop. Instead I was drinking beer and there's no way I'm spitting beer out, so my laptop is safe.

For the people too lazy out there to click the link, let me summarize: Every country in Europe gets like 5 months off work. OK, I'm exaggerating a little bit there but they still get obscene amounts of paid vacation. Prepare for exclaimation point overdose. The legally mandated minimum in Europe is 20 days! The fucking Danes get 39 and a half days of paid vacation! It must be hard god damn work making shoes or whatever the hell they do there. That's almost 2 full months off work for God's sake! I would forget where my office was if I had that much time off. Those Austrian cunts get 38. Must be stressful wearing Lederhosen and being Germany's less efficient, retarded step brother. France gets 35, which is coincidentally the amount of hours in a French work week. The French need lots of times to sit around not showering and being pompous cock holsters.

The saddest part of the story is that the article almost comes off like an appeal for mercy for those poor English souls that only get 28 days. "Wots all this you bloody twats? Only 1 munf offa work?" Well fuck you England. I think you're doing alright. You've got crazed Japs committing suicide left and right due to work stress, and they still only get 10 days. Canada gets 10, but what the hell are you going to do with 10 days off in Canada? Get a suntan and frostbite at the same time?

And what about those lazy American shitheads? Well we don't have any laws giving us a minimum amount of days off. I guess I should consider myself lucky my company gave me 10 whole days off. Fuck you America for working too hard.

I guess this means I've just got to be even lazier at work to make up the difference because I'm not letting Europe out-lazy me. Hell no.

Chore Wars: Penny Arcade

It seems that Penny Arcade anticipated the effect Chore Wars would have. Needless to say my girlfriend has a much better character than I do. Not only does she do more chores but she's also much more likely to update Chore Wars when she does them.

I'm blind!

Last night I was forced into yet another DIY project. Since moving into our new house we've found that at 5am each morning, when the hellish sun rises, our flimsy bedroom curtains have been waving the jovial little morning photons through to pound our unconcious eyelids. It is a cruel awakening.

Is there anything worse in the world than the sun? It wakes you up, makes you hot and sweaty, makes the damn plants release their nasty allergenic pollens, gives you skin cancer and is generally unpleasant. Thankfully this year we've been blessed with almost continuous rain, so the hell ball hasn't been able to work it's usual summer evil.

Our mission was to foil the evil sun. Two young, broke but resourceful people vs. a 1.4 million kilometer diameter ball of burning hydrogen, radiating 1366 Watts per square meter through our windows. That's the equivalent 30 100 Watt lightbulbs being flicked on outside our window every day.

With us being broke, the only solution was to purchase two of the very cheapest blackout blinds that Argos had to offer and install them to block the sun until such time as we could afford something better. You will note the following exciting features:

• Complete blackout.
• Keeps a room cool in summer and warm in winter.
• Side winder action.

Clearly they are perfect for what we need. Normally I'd be trying to avoid any DIY tasks but this one involved drilling holes in the window frame. Let's be honest, no matter how lazy you are, power tools are fun and they are really boys toys. I could hardly let my accident prone girlfriend go up a ladder with a power drill. Aside from the strong chance she'd drill herself I'd feel like I'd gone into a pub and ordered a Bacardi Breezer. Also I've had a drill for years, and have even lent it to several friends, but the only time I've ever used it in anger was to drill holes in a bit of board we were using to hang our dartboard off*. It's not the kind of thing you can use very often in rented houses.

So last night saw me half way up a ladder, drilling holes in our window frame to install very cheap blinds. The instructions said you had to measure carefully to ensure that the blinds were level, but that seemed like a lot of faffing around. I decided I'd just put the brackets up against the top of the window frame, the window must be level mustn't it? I did mark through the holes on the brackets with pencil where I needed to drill though. This resulted in perfectly level blinds. It was very easy. This DIY stuff is a piece of piss.

You'll be pleased to know that they totally blocked out the sun and let us have at least an extra hour asleep this morning. The blinds are very cheap and a bit shit and theoretically will need replacing when we can afford it, but in practice I bet they stay there until they fall apart.

Now what can I use the big fat masonry drill bit on I wonder?

* It turns out we needn't have bothered, we were so bad at darts, and played so drunk, that missing darts hit well outside the large backboard and still covered the door in holes.

Lazy Poll Results

It seems you readers are nearly as lazy as us, I guess that shouldn't surprise me. Only 9 of you bothered voting in the poll to see which of us was the laziest and, in the end, it went with the form book. Drekkus who's posted twice ever was the clear winner with four votes, DV got three and I got a measly two those'll be from me and my girlfriend then!

Video Game Crack

There are several reasons why it's been nearly a week since our last update, and one small part of that for me is Desktop Tower Defence, an insanely addictive flash game. As with games that get this addictive the idea is simple, stop the evil dots from crossing the screen by constructing a maze of attack towers, but once you get into it there's actually quite a lot of complexity and strategy behind it.

The reason I'm blogging about it, is that the guys behind this game have recently quit their jobs to become full time game makers on the back of the success of this and their other tower defence games. They also have a blog about their experiences. Quitting your job and spending your time writing and playing games all day, for money? Sounds great. Shame we're too lazy.

Don't worry, there's no rush to hand in that homework...

You've can get an extension for 36 years, like Brian May.

ChoreWars update

I mentioned the other day that signing up for Chore Wars might be good if your lazy partner was a bit of a nerd. It turns out that this has actually been a spectacular lazy success for me. My girlfriend seems to be an even bigger nerd than me and his happily creating adventures/chores for herself to do, completing them and gaining experience. Brilliant.

Too lazy to do myself a favor

I'm too lazy to make good plans. Plans that will pay off in lazyness in the longterm. If I wasn't I would have bought these babies ages ago: cleaningrobots!! They do all the work while you are FORCED to sit on the couch with your feet up, in order not to disturb the little working friends.

There's also one that mows the lawn. I want them, I must have them, and I will. Some day.

The Most Bizarre Google Searches By Which People Stumble Across This Blog

Blogger have a section on their homepage that tells you about "Blogs of Note". Today I visited one called Yeah, That "Vegan" Shit (partly because on Blogs of Note it was called Yeah, That "Vegan" **** and I wanted to find out what they censored) and they had a great idea which I decided to steal. The best google searches by which people stumble across this blog.

We're just about getting old enough and linked in enough places for google to index us fairly fast and for people to just randomly discover us through searching. We've had 11 searches find us so far. Here are my favourites, in reverse order.

kachru & ebmiggen, kachru & cromulent and kachru & simpsons

The most popular story for people finding our blog was the one about the quantum physics guy embiggening superstrings. How bizarre! We are actually on the first page of results for those searches.

Ways to Be Lazy

It's brilliant that someone was searching for this. Hopefully we helped them.

"kevin harrington" and "navy"

I didn't even know he'd been in the navy!

And finally, the search that really inspired this post. The only one worth posting if truth be told:

harry potter's cock

I couldn't believe it when I saw this on the reports. Further research shows that anyone searching for harry potter's cock will find LazyView high up on page 2. It's all down to my story Harry Potter and the Amazon Cock-up

Do you own a Lazy nerd like me?

If, like my girlfriend, you are the owner of a Lazy Nerd you might want to try signing them up for Chore Wars! You can set up tasks 'adventures' for your Nerd to do like washing up or
taking out the rubbish and they gain experience and gold for doing them.

It is all a bit too much like hard work really. The people who made the game should have set up some generic tasks that are always there like Washing Up or Vaccuuming so you don't need to go in and set every damn adventure up yourself!

With that in mind, if anyone wants to join the LazyView Chore Wars party you can do so with the following link (will work for the next 3 days).

Season Ticket

Late last year I picked up an application form for a season ticket for the train. I got my picture taken to send off for the picture driving licence and as I was getting pictures done anyway I intended to use one of the four for my train ticket. Today, a mere 8 months later, I actually got my season ticket. Woo! I have had filled in three application forms. One disintegrated due to having been in my bag for 6 months, then I moved house so one had the wrong address, and finally the one I filled out and actually handed in today.

It was, of course, very easy. Went at lunchtime, no queue at our local branch line station etc. What finally made me do it? Our new house is 5-10 minutes walk further from the station than our old house, and I really fancy having that 10 minutes in bed in the morning back again. At the moment our alarm goes off before 7am and I have a real mental problem with waking up before 7am. Those hours should never conciously exist to a human.

Cost of this procrastination? About £160 this year, but I'd only have wasted it on beer.

Oh... I still haven't sent off the driving licence thing, the picture I had didn't meet their standards so I need to get a new one. The address on that'll be wrong now too. D'oh!